did you get engaged???
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
