the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
