official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
