If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
