i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
