I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
