Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
