hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
