Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(857): View more from Massachusetts

Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!

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(630): View more from Illinois

According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"

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(706): View more from Georgia

im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

sounds like you fell off the wagon.

(1-617): View more from Massachusetts

fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.

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(913): View more from Kansas

just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.

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(510): View more from California

according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"

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(602): View more from Arizona

Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.

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(713): View more from Texas

I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!

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