He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
