i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You are the jesus of drinking
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
