where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
