Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
