If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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