my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
