he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Randomize
