Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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