I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
