do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
