do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
