First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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