i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
