i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
