Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
