I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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