YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
