I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
