He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I DEMAND FORESKIN
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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