Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
