so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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