Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
