you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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