I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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