No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
