Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
