if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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