All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
