a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
