and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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