I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
