wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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