hotel room ftw
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
