What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
