M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You need a sexual gate keeper
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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