no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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