Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Randomize
