the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
