Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
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