just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She needs sedatives and a leash
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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