Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
