tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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