Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
my sisters under your porch take her home
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
