Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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