this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
