i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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