Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
