you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
