it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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