No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
