but the lizard people decide everything anyway
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
