Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
