How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Damn victory sex feels great
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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