The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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