at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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